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Editor of 'Thought & Humor'
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offices, dorms & homes worldwide since July 26,1997).

Friday

Puppy Love -
Word Quiz

.


See If You Know The Meaning:


1. frowsy (adj.) - A: frowning. B: sleepy. C: slovenly.
D: weak, insubstantial.

2. dappled (adj.) - A: extremely wrinkled. B: marked with
spots. C: musty, stale. D: rust-colored.

3. telepathy (n.) - A: silent communication. B: fungus spore.
C: distant view. D: holistic healer.

4. emulate (v.) - A: to mix. B: imitate. C: increase the
power of. D: abandon.



5. impending (adj.) - A: about to occur. B: delayed.
C: falling. D: attacking.

6. unmitigated (adj.) - A: unusual. B: unprecedented.
C: unexpected. D: unrelieved.

7. brambles (n.) - A: prickly shrubs. B: happy jaunts.
C: rambling talks. D: excuses.

8. emit (v.) - A: to give off. B: express. C: correct.
D: be sensitive to.



9. trepidation (n.) - A: surgical procedure. B: warning.
C: eagerness. D: apprehension.

10. onerous (adj.) - A: unique. B: harmonious. C: burdensome.
D: foul-smelling.

11. dissenter (n.) - A: holder of a shared opinion.
B: holder of a differing opinion. C: relative. D: carafe.

12. tchotchkes (n.) - A: dumplings. B: agitation. C: knick-
knacks. D: leftovers.



13. euphonious (adj.) - A: false. B: youthful. C: carefully
planned. D: pleasing to the ear.

14. pendulous (adj.) - A: boring. B: suspended as to swing
freely. C: awaiting approval. D: celebratory.

15. phlegmatic (adj.) - A: stolid in temperament. B: sick.
C: soft-spoken. D: stubborn.

16. periphery (n.) - A: area's midpoint. B: deep cave.
C: journey's start point. D: outer edge.



*

*

*

*


Here are the answers:

1. frowsy - C: Having a slovenly appearance. In my bathrobe
and slippers, I look a bit frowsy when I take the dog for a
walk in the morning.

2. dappled - B: Marked with small spots, patches. The 1996
release of 101 Dalmatians boosted sales of these dogs with
dappled coats.

3. telepathy - A: Communication via extrasensory means.
Maybe it's the power of telepathy that makes golden
retrievers good therapy dogs.

4. emulate - B: To strive to equal; imitate. It would be
great if Cinnamon could emulate those dogs who manage to
keep quiet when cars pass by.

5. impending - A: About to occur. I think Jo is looking
forward to her impending trip to the groomer.

6. unmitigated - D: Offering little chance of change or
relief. Leaving Mellow home alone with two fresh-baked pies
was an unmitigated disaster.

7. brambles - A: Rough, prickly shrubs or vines. Once we
realized he was missing, it didn't take us long to find Ben
caught in the brambles.

8. emit - A: To throw or give off; to give voice to. When
he's hungry for attention, Renzo can emit quite a whimper.



9. trepidation - D: Apprehension. Ernie the pit bull looks
fierce, but like many of his breed, is very sweet and needn't
be approached with trepidation.

10. onerous - C: Burdensome, troublesome. I might find it
onerous, but my Siberian husky, Wolfen, has no problem pull-
ing my 35-pound son on his sled.

11. dissenter - B: One who holds a different opinion. I was
the lone dissenter when it came time to pick a family pet;
everyone else wanted a dog.

12. tchotchkes - C: Knickknacks. When Toby was a puppy, we
kept all our tchotchkes away from him so he wouldn't chew
them into little pieces.

13. euphonious - D: Pleasing to the ear. To me, Dodger's
soft snoring in the middle of the night is a most euphonious
sound.

14. pendulous - B: Suspended so as to swing freely. Copper
the basset hound's pendulous ears almost touch the ground.

15. phlegmatic - A: Having or showing a slow and stolid
temperament. As a puppy, Nana ran all over the house;
she's
older now, and more phlegmatic.

16. periphery - D: The external boundary or surface of an
area. Cosmo likes to linger near the periphery at the dog
park.



gophercentral.com

Thursday

Body Parts Riddle

.


A part of the body is hidden in each of the
following
sentences. The first sentence
contains "head." Can you
find the rest?

1. The ad is for Monday's sale.
2. The tour group can go to either country.
3. My car makes funny noises sometimes.
4. Sarah and Tony are getting married.
5. That casino seems shady.
6. Can't you see that Hank needs help?
7. The sea is so calm out here.
8. Would you like to go surfing, Erin?

ANSWER!!!

Tuesday

Room Service

.


It's amazing, but you will understand the above
word by the end of the conversation. Read aloud
for best results to another person.

Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking
funny for a while after reading this. e-mail of 1999.

The following is a telephone exchange between
a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia,
which was recorded and published in the Far East
Economic Review.....

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor
sunteen??"

G : "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G : "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry,
scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"

G : "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
G : "What?"
RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
G : "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G : "I feel really bad about this, but I don't
know what 'judo one toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes?
Ow bow singlish mopping we
bother?"
G : "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying
'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bother?"
G : "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G : "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G : "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G : "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Asss ruin torino fee, strangle
ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping
we bother honey sigh,and copy....rye??"
G : "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G : "You're welcome"



Monday

Classic Riddle

.


My life can be measured in hours,
I serve by being devoured.
Thin, I am quick
Fat, I am slow
Wind is my foe.

*

*

*


Riddle Answer:

A candle

Riddle

.



I am tall when I am young.
I am short when I am old.
When I live I glow.
From your breath I die.

ANSWER!!!

Friday

CLASSIC Riddle

.


This can be carried,
though it has no weight,
and you can do it to a radio
to help you play one.


*

*

*

*

CLASSIC Riddle Answer:

Tune

Riddle




A word I know,
six letters it contains

subtract just one,

and twelve is what
remains.


ANSWER!!!

Wednesday

Getting Much Smarter

.


Three UNC grads are relaxing and fishing.
Out of the blue, they catch
a mermaid who
begs to be set free in return for granting
each of them
a wish. Now one of the guys
just doesn't believe it, and says:


"OK, if you can really grant wishes, then
double my I.Q." The mermaid says: "Done."


Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare
flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight.
The second guy is so amazed he says to the
mermaid: "Triple my I.Q." The mermaid says:
"Done."


The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical
solutions to problems that have been stumping
all the scientists of varying fields: physics,
chemistry, etc.


The last guy is so enthralled with the changes
in his friends, that he says to the mermaid:
"Quintuple my I.Q." The mermaid looks at

him and says: "You know, I normally don't
try to change people's minds when they make
a wish, but I really wish you'd reconsider."


The guy says: "Nope, I want you to increase
my I.Q. times five, and if you don't do it, I won't
set you free."


"Please," says the mermaid "You don't know
what you're asking...it'll change your entire
view on the universe... won't you ask for
something else...a million dollars, anything?"
But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy
insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five
times it's usual power. So the mermaid sighed
and said: "Done."


And he became a N.C.State graduate.



The World's Easiest Quiz

.


1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the
....October revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named
after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) What country do Chinese gooseberries come from?
10) How long did the Thirty Years War last?

(Answers Just Below - Don't Cheat)


The Answers

1) 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.
2) Ecuador.
3) From sheep and horses.
4) November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.
5) Squirrel fur.
6) The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs
7) Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish
of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert.
8) Distinctively crimson.
9) New Zealand.
10) Thirty years, of course. From 1618 to 1648.


The Interview

.


The host was interviewing a UNC grad
on the late, late show. He wanted to find
out something about his personality so he
asked, "If you could have a conversation
with someone, living or dead, who would
it be?"

ANSWER!!!



Tuesday

Two UNC Students Touring The Sahara

.


Two UNC students touring the Sahara were dressed in bathing suits.
A Bedouin gazed at them in amazement. "We're going swimming,"
the students explained.

"But the ocean is eight hundred miles away," the Arab informed him.
"Eight hundred miles!" the students exclaimed with a huge smile.
"Boy, what a beach!"


Fish Bait

.


Two UNC grads, husband and wife, were digging for
fishing bait. Uncovering a many-legged creature, the hubby
proudly dangled it before his wife. "Now, honey, he won't
do for bait," the man said. "He's not an earthworm."

HER ANSWER!!!

Monday

Question For You

.


Q. What do you call someone who
......flies his own car?


A. An autopilot.


Question???

.


Q. What happened when the electrician mixed
.......up the wires between the electric blanket
.......and the toaster?

ANSWER!!!


Saturday

CyberHumor

.


The game warden stopped a UNC grad and asked
to see
his hunting license.

"This is last year's license," the warden informed
the UNC grad.


"I know," replied the UNC grad, "but I shouldn't
need a new
license because I'm only shooting at
the deer I missed last year."

Friday

Web-Humor

.



Did you hear about the UNC student who wanted
to take his girlfriend to a concert but arrived back
at his dorm room before the start of the big event.
When quized by his roommate about this unusual
occurrence, the UNC student stated:

HIS ANSWER!!!

Thursday

Lost Diamond Ring

.


A cop saw a UNC grad down on her knees under a streetlight.
"Can I help you?" he asked.


Replied the UNC grad, "I dropped my diamond ring and I'm
looking for it."


Asked the cop "did you drop it right here?"

"No," she responded, "I dropped it about a block away,
but the light's
better here."

Wednesday

Sunday

Riddles For 9.6.5



Riddles:


1) I sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg.
I have plenty of backbone,
But I lack a good leg.
I peel layers like onions,
But I still remain whole.
I am as long as a flagpole.
Yet I fit in a hole.

What am I?


2) I rule over everything
I lay mountains low
I dethrone all kings
and kingdoms overthrow
I am measured
yet have no substance
I exist but can't be touched
I am everywhere yet I am nothing
you live by my standard day by day
can you find me? Well, it's simple--
most everyone carries me to work everyday


3) You are going to mail a letter, but the only information
you have is listed below. What would his address be?

WOOD
JOHN
MASS

4) What has roots that nobody sees, and is taller than trees.
Up, up it goes, and yet it never grows.
What is it?

5) These ten fictitious names are all rearrangements of the
names of famous people. For example, if Sheila O'Norton
was in the list, you would discover that this was really
Horatio Nelson is disguise. Can you discover who everyone
really is?

a) Jamie Braser f) Jon Hasket
b) Frank Cardise g) Fred Hyron
c) Fred Colatis h) Mark Larx
d) Alfie Dondee i) Helmut Tarrin
e) Fidel Haltor j) June Seatan
6)I sit and face you and you stare right back.
You say nothing to me for I do not understand,
but you understand all of what I say if you want to.
I never move but I can make you feel any number of
different emotions but mostly none at all,
then you leave without saying goodbye.

What am I?

7) A man gets out of jail and goes to a nearby hotel where he leaves
a considerable sum of money. He then moves his car to another
hotel where he leaves a lesser sum of money. What is he doing???

8) I can bring a smile to your face,
a tear to your eye,
or even a thought to your mind;
but I can't be seen...

9) What type of room has neither window, door, ceiling, nor floor?


====================================


ANSWERS TO RIDDLES:

1) A snake
2) Time (Created by God who is outside of it)
3) It was delivered to:
John Underwood
Andover, Mass.

4) A Mountain
5) a) James Barrie
b) Francis Drake
c) Fidel Castro
d) Daniel Defoe
e) Adolf Hitler
f) John Keats
g) Henry Ford
h) Karl Marx
i) Martin Luther
j) Jane Austen
6) A T.V. Set
7) He is playing Monopoly.
8) A memory
9) A mushROOM

Thursday

Questions For You

.



1) What part of the strawberry plant is the true fruit?

- The seed. The delicacy that we eat and call the fruit is
actually the swollen end of the stem called a drupe



2) What was the first sport to be filmed - and who filmed it?

- The sport was boxing; the man who did the filming, Thomas A. Edison;
the year, 1894. Edison filmed a boxing match between Jack Cushing and
Mike Leonard in a studio on the grounds of his laboratory complex in
west Orange, New Jersey.



3) On what planet is the largest known mountain in the solar
system?

- On Mars. Called Olympus Mons, it's a volcano more than 3 times
the height of Mount Everest.



4) How fast can an ostrich run?

- About 40 miles per hour - taking strides of 12 - 15 feet.



5) From where in nature do we get quinine, the medicine used
to treat and prevent malaria?

- From the bark of the cinchona tree, a South Africa evergreen.

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* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.


God loves you so much that He died for you!!!















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