Riddles For July 26

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1) Two legs I have, and this will confound: only at
rest do they touch the ground!
What am I?

2) Pronounced as one letter,
And written with three,
Two letters there are,
And two only in me.
I'm double, I'm single,
I'm black blue and grey,
I'm read from both ends,
And the same either way.

3) Something very extraordinary happened on the 6th of May,
1978 at 12:34 a.m. (Was not Howdy's birthdayO:) What was it?

Scroll Down To Bottom Of This Page For Answers!!!

New Mower

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Soon after my wife and I met, she mentioned how
she really wished that she could afford a riding
lawnmower. She was a single gal that worked all
day and was often tired in the evening when she
got home from work.

So, being the handy sort of guy that I was, I made
her a riding lawnmower (see below for photo of
lawnmower.) I guess I thought she would squeal
with delight and give me a big hug.

To this day I have never been able to understand
why women are so hard to please.

Latin - English

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"Quantum materiae materietur marmota
monax si marmota monax materiam possit
materiari?"

Translation of the Latin phrase: “How much
wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood-
chuck could chuck wood?”

A Quiz For People Who Think They Know Everything

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1. There's one "sport" in which neither the spectators nor
the participants know the score or the leader until the
contest ends. What is it?

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly
moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their
own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must
be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial
vegetables?

4 Name the only sport in which the ball is always in
possession of the team on defense, and the offensive
team can score without touching the ball?

5. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

6. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with
a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe,
and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way.
How did the pear get inside the bottle?

7. Only three words in standard English begin with the
letters "dw." They are all common. Name two of them.

8. There are fourteen punctuation marks in English
grammar. Can you name half of them?

9. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the "Los
Angeles Lakers?"

10. There are seven ways a base ball player can legally
reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on
balls-a walk-is one way. Name the other six.

11. It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold
frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other
form but fresh. What is it?

12. Name six or more things that you can wear on your
feet that begin with the letter "S."

ANSWERS BELOW..........DON'T LOOK TILL YOU'RE
ABSOLUTELY READY!




Answers


1. There's one "sport" in which neither the spectators
nor the participants know the score or the leader until
the contest ends. What is it?

Boxing.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly
moving backward?

Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a
half feet each year because of the millions of gallons
of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on
their own for several growing seasons. All other
vegetables must be replanted every year.

What are the only two perennial vegetables? Asparagus
and rhubarb.

4. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in
possession of the team on defense, and the offensive
team can score without touching the ball?

Baseball.

5. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

Strawberry.

6 . In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with
a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe,
and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way.
How did the pear get inside the bottle?

The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed
over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place
on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing
season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at
the stems.

7. Only three words in standard English begin with the
letters "dw." They are all common. Name two of them.

Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle.

8. There are fourteen punctuation marks in English
grammar. Can you name half of them?

Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen,
apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,
quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces,
and ellipses.

9. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the
"Los Angeles Lakers?"

In Minnesota. The team was originally known as
the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when
they moved west.

10. There are seven ways a baseball player can
legally reach first base without getting a hit.
Taking a base on balls-a walk-is one way.
Name the other six.

Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher
interference; catcher drops third strike;
fielder's choice; and being designated as
a pinch runner.

11. It's the only vegetable or fruit that is
never sold frozen, canned, processed,
cooked, or in any other form but fresh.
What is it?

Lettuce.

12 Name six or more things that you can wear on
your feet that begin with the letter "S."

Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis,
skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

Fire Truck

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A UNC grad called the fire department.

She screams into the phone, "Hurry, come quick! My house is on fire."

The fire chief replied, "OK, but how do we get to your house?"

The UNC grad said, "Duh, Red Truck!"

Cyber-Music

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A musician is hot and tired after the gig, so he pulls
into the 7-11 to get a cold drink. While he's buying
his slurpee, he suddenly realizes that he spaced
out -- the accordion is in the back seat, in full view!

He rushes out of the store... but it's too late. Someone
has already broken the car window.......

....and left another accordion.

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Q: What does a cat get from watching too many
Mickey Mouse films?

A: - Disney Spells!!!

How Many Dogs Would it Take To Replace A Burned Out Light Bulb. . .

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1.. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young,
we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside
worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring
that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me. Just try 'n make me!

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys
in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the
light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led
these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't
missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to
see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm
bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry,
but I don't see a light bulb?

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still wet on
the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there. . .

13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. So...Who cares?

14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs
in a little circle ...

15. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and
he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house,
my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs.
People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
How long will it be before I can expect some light,
some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE
DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.

Why am I Here???

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Why am I Here???

Personality Test

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In the middle of the table is a round food tray with
five kinds of fruits in it. They are:

A. Apple
B. Banana
C. Strawberry
D. Peach
E. Orange

Which fruit will you choose? PLEASE think very carefully
and don't rush into it. This is great. I was astounded!!!!



Your choice reveals alot about you!!!



Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN


If you have chosen:

a. Apple: that means you are a person that loves to eat
apples

b. Banana: that means you are a person that loves to eat
bananas

c. Strawberry: that means you are a person that loves to
eat strawberries.

d. Peach: that means you are a person that loves to eat
peaches.

e.Orange: that means you are a person that loves to eat
oranges.


I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about
yourself. May it bring you peace and understanding,
tranquility and all that other profound stuff.


I bet that right now you want to find me and kick me.
Well, you won't find me ... I am still hunting down
the person who sent this to me!!!!!!!!

How Many Do You Know?

The first president of the United States, George
Washington, was the epitome of humility and
sincerity. These words, spoken from the heart,
come from his inaugural address. How many
do you know?

1. vicissitudes (n.) - A: spiteful actions. B: ups and downs.
C: positive feelings. D: cowardly maneuvers.

2. aver (v.) - A: to declare. B: avoid or prevent. C: show a
dislike. D: openly oppose.

3. supplication (n.) - A: excessive amount. B: important
addition. C: earnest request. D: forced ending.

4. immutable (adj.) - A: weakened. B: biased. C: unchange-
able. D: silent.

5. predilection (n.) - A: introduction. B: prophecy. C: har-
mony. D: preference.

6. transcendent (adj.) - A: always changing. B: beyond ordi-
nary limits. C: lost or displaced. D: written out.

7. discernment (n.) - A: an act of defeat. B: good judgment
or understanding. C: distributed funds. D: debilitating
anxiety.

8. presage (v.) - A: to separate. B: get older. C: make a
prediction. D: intentionally deceive.

9. rectitude (n.) - A: mass destruction. B: anger. C: geo-
graphical measurement. D: moral virtue.

10. magnanimous (adj.) - A: appealing. B: high-minded.
C: secretive. D: in agreement.

11. felicity (n.) - the state of A: feeling happy. B: being
lucky. C: helping others. D: earning wealth.

12. propitious (adj.) - A: foretelling. B: overly sarcastic.
C: confident. D: favorable.

13. despondence (n.) - A: letter writing. B: depression.
C: craving. D: poverty.

14. palliate (v.) - A: to relieve. B: carefully examine.
C: respect or revere. D: apologize.

15. pecuniary (adj.) - A: referring to money. B: acting
strangely. C: educated or refined. D: being a talented cook.


*********************************************

Here are the answers:

1. vicissitudes (n.) - B: ups and downs.

2. aver (v.) - A: to declare.

3. supplication (n.) - C: earnest request.

4. immutable (adj.) - C: unchangeable.

5. predilection (n.) - D: preference.

6. transcendent (adj.) - B: beyond ordinary limits.

7. discernment (n.) - B: good judgment or understanding.

8. presage (v.) - C: make a prediction.

9. rectitude (n.) - D: moral virtue.

10. magnanimous (adj.) - B: high-minded.

11. felicity (n.) - the state of A: feeling happy.

12. propitious (adj.) - D: favorable.

13. despondence (n.) - B: depression.

14. palliate (v.) - A: to relieve.

15. pecuniary (adj.) - A: referring to money.

GopherCentral

Who, What, or Where is this?

I can be used daily.

I come in many different scents.

Most dogs dislike me.

I can take a real shine to you.

I am a liquid.

Kojak sure had no use for me.

I am both cosmetic and hygenic.

I spend most of my time in the shower.

Warren Beatty, in 1975, starred in a movie named for me.



Think you know the answer?

It's 'shampoo.'

buffalosjokes.com

I'm Mad At You

Click on the envelope just below on
right and send above to all your friends!!!

Fireworks!!!

Click on Couple to enjoy
the show with them!!!

Click on the envelope just below
and send above to all your friends!!!

Who's the oldest in the pair?

--1. Charlton Heston or Sean Connery

--2. Jennifer Love Hewitt or Sarah Michelle Gellar

--3. Ben Affleck or Matt Damon

--4. Meg Ryan or Sandra Bullock

--5. Charlize Theron or Cameron Diaz

--6. George Clooney or Val Kilmer

--7. Will Ferrell or Will Smith

--8. Coolio or LL Cool J

--9. Conan O'Brien or Craig Kilborn

-10. Diane Sawyer or Connie Chung

Answer:

--1. Charlton Heston

--2. Sarah Michelle Gellar

--3. Matt Damon

--4. Meg Ryan

--5. Cameron Diaz

--6. Val Kilmer

--7. Will Ferrell

--8. Coolio

--9. Craig Kilborn

-10. Diane Sawyer

Riddle Answers For July 26

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1) Two legs I have, and this will confound: only at
rest do they touch the ground!
What am I?

2) Pronounced as one letter,
And written with three,
Two letters there are,
And two only in me.
I'm double, I'm single,
I'm black blue and grey,
I'm read from both ends,
And the same either way.

3) Something very extraordinary happened on the 6th of May,
1978 at 12:34 a.m. (Was not Howdy's birthdayO:) What was it?

ANSWERS TO RIDDLES:

1) Wheelbarrow
2) Eye
3) At that moment, the time and day could be written as:
12:34, 5/6/78