What Your Child May be Missing

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It's not much fun to perform without an audience. Toddlers believe that for
sure. Our family was having one of those rare opportunities to have all of
us together, and we were having some great conversations, keeping one eye
on our little two-year-old granddaughter. And one eye wasn't enough for
her. Using her recently enhanced motor skills, she started running wide
circles right in the middle of the room. After her first two spins - which did
manage to get our attention - she called out two little words I didn't even
know she knew - "Watch this!" We did.

Our granddaughter wanted our attention, our approval - maybe even a little
applause. She got all three. She's not unusual. All children, no matter how
old they are, need to know their mom or dad loves them and is proud of them.
It's that triple-A combination - our attention, our approval, our applause.
Sadly, far too many sons and daughters, some all grown up now, are starved
for their parent's blessing. Without it, they can make a lot of mistakes
looking in all the wrong places for what only Mom and Dad can give them.

In a number of places in the Bible, we see examples of parents giving their
children this great gift. In Genesis 49:28, for example, our word for today
from the Word of God, it speaks of Jacob and his sons: "This is what their
father said to them when he blessed them, giving each the blessing
appropriate to him." That should be going on in every family, with every
mother and father, every daughter and son. Hebrews 12:17 tells us about
a son who missed his father's blessing - Esau. It says that his whole life
"he sought the blessing with tears."

When you feel you've never really gotten your mom or dad's blessing, it
leaves a gaping hole inside. If you never got it from your parents, you know
how it feels. Well, don't pass on that deficit, that hurt to any child or
grandchild of yours. What happens when a person has this blessing deficit?
Sometimes they give up on trying to please Mom or Dad and just go entirely
the other direction where nothing is expected of them. Some will become
rebels because they never were good enough for the most important people
in their life. Others may turn hard to cover up the hurt and look like they
don't care. And some drive themselves mercilessly, even after their parent
is gone, trying to please anyone who may give them that blessing a parent
failed to give. But it will never be enough.

We bless our son or daughter when we tell them what we like about them,
what's good about them. When we compliment them on even small progress
or achievements. When we point out to them, not only their positive
abilities, but their positive qualities. Those are things you don't get
awards or grades for, but they're the things that really matter - being
generous, being unselfish, being a good listener, having good radar
for people's feelings, being a leader, being organized, being a problem-solver.

Praise what's good, regularly, specifically. Water what you want to grow,
and learn to swallow what's negative and critical and shame-producing. In
the Bible's words, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your
mouths, but only what is useful for building others up, according to their
needs" (Ephesians 4:29). Don't focus on the problems and the areas
that need improving. You have such incredible power to make your son
or daughter feel either very big or very small; very secure or very
insecure; very valuable or very worthless. It's all wrapped up in
"giving each the blessing appropriate to him" or her.

And let your son or daughter know that there is a Father whose love does
not ever have to be earned. In fact, it can't be earned. God is that Father
whose unconditional love sent His Son to a cross for us - thus making
possible for each of us one love, one blessing, and one safe relationship
we can always count on. We parents pride ourselves on providing for our
children all the things they need. There are few things they need more
than your blessing. Don't fail them.

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